Years ago, I offended one of my closest friends by giving her what I thought was the compliment of a lifetime. She was anxious about an incident that occurred at her job and within the anxiety about the situation was the fear that someone at work would not think that she was “nice.” I immediately responded, in a matter that I thought was known by all, “Of course not, why do you care, you are not a nice person.” After the crushing blow of my sentence had finished, I could see immediately the hurt in her beautiful face.
One of the things that I have noticed over the years in collaborating with clients, especially our female population is that we are still consumed with the idea of being labeled and perceived as nice. But what is a nice girl? A nice girl never really says anything unpleasant which equates to never really telling the truth or what is on her mind. A nice girl simply sits with her smile on her face always agreeing sweetly to everything that everyone says and never expressing an opinion of truth of her own, in the fear that others will find her mean or be displeased or angry.
Now, let me tell you that I did follow up on my comment to my bestie by telling her that she was one of the kindest people I had ever met in my entire life, and I still stand by that today. I mean she is the…come over as soon as she thinks you need anything, take donations for needy families, make you a lasagna when you’re sad, pick up your kid for you so you can have a break type of kind female. The notion that a woman such as her should worry that someone would think she isn’t nice, is astounding. The idea that we as women should and need to be nice is irrelevant anymore, we are kind human beings. We care deeply about how others feel, we sympathize and empathize with others’ pain. We are constantly in a state of flux caught between our own emotions and our loved ones’ emotions. We will do anything for the people that we love, we will sacrifice our time, our money, and even our emotional wellness to help out. We are the kindest souls that this planet has ever produced, but we don’t have to be nice and sweet to be kind. We can tell others that we disagree with them, and we can do it with kindness, we can tell others that they not acting in a way that we agree with, but we will do it with kindness. We no longer need to worry about whether others think we are nice girls. We are kind human beings, and that is all that we owe to ourselves and the universe.